Should I accept this new version of my husband?: Chronic pain management

Dear Annie,
My husband and I have been married for 20 years. He's had health problems during his time, but has always managed his pain.

Last year, he went to a pain management clinic and they prescribed narcotics. He takes them every day and is in a fog every night. He has gained weight, become sloppy, and stopped caring how I feel.

I have suggested counseling, but he refuses, saying he has no problem with our marriage. I have seen a counselor myself, but am totally torn up by this. I still receive attention from other men. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is continually numb. I have a solid job offer in another town close to family. Should I stick it out and accept this new version of my husband?
--Signed, Falling Out of Love

Annie's Advice:
Your husband doesn't want to stop taking this medication because he feels good for the first time in years. However, if he is "in a fog," he may be overmedicated, and his doctor should be told. If you've been with him for 20 years and this latest phase has lasted only 12 months, please stick it out and give him time to adjust his medication. If that doesn't help, insist on counseling for your sake so he can understand how close he is to losing his marriage.

Browse for similar stories in our index at the very bottom of this page, or read a pain management story.

Thanks to "Annie" for the letter and her response, published in Annie's Mailbox, in the Dec. 27 issue of the Boston Globe.