Not like finding a plumber: e-therapists through Liquic

John Khoury's story:
Vera was a middle-aged mother in Holland, with an alcohol problem. Things got to a point where she needed to see someone. Here in Holland, you first see a General Practitioner, and then they send you to a specialist. She'd seen a couple of psychiatrists, but didn't have good experiences with them, and never really got to the question of why she was drinking. Instead, they'd said she just had to stop, in order to have therapy.

That wasn't going to work. It wasn't the right match; it wasn't a good therapist for her.

She found a website of a community forum of people with alcohol problems. In that kind of forum, things can open up a bit. She reached out to an Internet therapist who was specializing in the treatment of alcohol abuse. That clicked very quickly with her; it was a very different experience.

She appreciated the online contact with him. He gave her tips, and homework. He didn’t insist on abstinence right away. She appreciated that. He would teach her to postpone her drinking. For example, he'd say, Take the dog out for a walk, and then see how you feel 20 minutes later.

She hasn't completely stopped drinking, but it's not a problem for her anymore.

Vera preferred that to face-to-face therapy because of lack of time constraints. In face to face therapy, you get off on a tangent and then time runs out, and you never get to what you really had in your head to talk about, that you sort of lost track of in the moment.

With e-therapy and emails, if a thought is in her head, she writes it down and sends it off to a therapist.

She said "it saved my life," that it has been the thing that made a real difference in her life. Things are smoother with her family, and she has started painting. A positive effect in your life affects the people around you: her husband has stopped drinking so much. There's no going back. It's like in mental health in general: once you feel good, with your head straight on your shoulders, you know how that feels. Then you can repeat that same feeling of mental health.

Since then, Vera wrote a book under a pseudonym in community with these other people. People get friends for life, like in Vietnam Veterans groups. They meet occasionally face to face with each other, and with the therapist. That's a big step.


John’s Advice: To make the best use of e-therapy, just get started. Everybody's experience is a little bit different. Finding a good therapist is the first step. My website, Liquic, is designed to do that, to provide the best access for people, and allow room for the best choice. You can't just go to the Yellow Pages, like you would for a plumber. You might have to go through a couple of therapists first to get a really good match. At the end of the day it has to fit your profile. A good fit for one person isn't a good fit for another person; that's the conundrum. The key is to find someone who matches up with your needs.

Read another alcohol treatment story. Thanks to John Khoury for the recent interview.

Coming from several blocks away to gawk: Privacy and neighbors

Dear Amy,
I have a sensitive issue and nosy neighbors. Three weeks ago, I was taken to the hospital because I suffered from major depression and was suicidal. I was in the hospital for eight days.

One week to the day of my release, I had four police cars, eight officers and two paramedics at my home to take me back to the hospital. Literally, every one of my neighbors was outside wondering what was happening, and they saw me being carried away on a stretcher. I was gone for three days and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

That weekend I had the police at my house four times because of my son running away, becoming violent and threatening suicide. The last incident ended with five police cars, 10 officers and the obligatory ambulance and paramedics. They blocked the roadway in both directions. Everyone was outside and watching, some coming from several blocks away to gawk.

What do I say to these people? Do I tell them I was suicidal, depressed and now diagnosed as bipolar? Do I tell them my son has a drug and alcohol problem along with also being bipolar?

Or do I just ask them why they're so interested in something so personal?

I need a subtle way to tell them that it's none of their business without revealing the true reasons. Any suggestions?

Amy's Advice to Wondering:
First of all, I hope your situation has stabilized. I can imagine that you feel very exposed because of the public drama brought on by these crises.

You don't have to reveal anything to your neighbors, but if you choose to, you can say, "I realize that things have been very dramatic at our house lately I've had some health issues that brought on a crisis for me and my son, but we're hoping things are better now."

Browse for related stories in the index at the very bottom of this page, or read another privacy story.

Thanks to Amy Dickinson for the source letter in her column, published in the June 16 issue of the Philadelphia Inquirer.